Sex scenes are fantasies that I like as fantasy, but not interested in a lot of it in reality.
Girl on girl? Love it, when I don't know the women and especially when neither of them is someone I am involved with.
Fast romances? They belong in books. In real, the last several exclusive relationships I have been in were never stated, we just started doing that.
Bondage? I like it but you will not know what I like in real from reading my books. You need to interact with me in real and pay attention.
The characters? The ones with the most lines are probably not my favorites. They have the most lines because they are easy to write lines for. They may also be the main characters, who have qualities that make them interesting, but not exactly interesting to me.
If anybody thinks Suki is my "ideal" then they have not really gotten to know me. That character is made that way to be interesting to many people. I am not "many people." I like certain things, that I do not put into main characters. Suki commits a complete deal-breaker to me in Suki I, but John is okay with it. Know why? They are made up characters in a made up story.
I would never get near a person like Suki*, if she were real, but I am sure many other people would. That is the idea. If I write the perfect woman for me, not many people would be interested in her besides me and a few others.
Of course there are similar things to me, or things I wish were me. John reacts to a lot of things the same way that I do or the way I would like to, but the character is doing those things in the context of the scene I have written and a lot of those are situations that I would never be in.
In Suki II: Sunshine Returns, John is just like me when Suki has to reveal her past. Actually, I wrote him doing a better job than me, but that is a lot easier in a novel than in real life. Suki finally has to reveal bad things from her past to John and she thinks he might not accept her past. He makes it easier for her. He reminds her again that if it is in the past it really does not matter what it was, as long as she has changed and wants to be the new person that she is. Well, something like that. I have not actually written that part yet, but that is the general way it will go.
Suki's fear is rooted in her past too. She not really afraid of failing, she is afraid of not getting her way. Although she has grown out of this and her therapist identified it early and helps her with it, the problem resurfaces. I suppose I could research this and use some technical terms for it, but to me it just reminds me of the childish behavior in adults that annoys me. To me, that is an appealing quality that I gave the character, but not enough to overcome the other things that she does.
*I am in my late 40s, not interested in anybody younger than me. Hypnotizing me without my approval is a total deal breaker.