31 July 2009

Great Quotes from Strange Dates

Flight Attendant (on weekend 1): "It's cool you own guns. I would like to learn how to work a gun."

Same Flight Attendant (on weekend 2): "What? You have guns and you keep them in your house?"

Me: "Where the hell do you want me to keep them? The back of my Jeep in the parking garage?"

In Suki II: Sunshine Returns I have Patricia using that phrasing while talking to Suki:

“Trish, no, please, please! Don’t leave me! I need someone to hold me until this shit wears off! Please don’t rape me, just hold me?”

Trish thinks for a moment, yes, good idea . . . “Suki, I have to leave you here so I can go check the rest of the house. Good thing you taught me how to work a gun. It’s in your purse? What about the shotguns?”

“Oh, thank you,” Suki sobs, yes it is in my purse, safety is off, just point and shoot. Not sure if she did anything to the shotguns, the bottom one in the rack is loaded. There is another one in the foyer closet too.”

“Good girl, here is a big hug,” as she hugs and kisses Suki again, “need to leave you restrained baby, um . . . so you don’t hurt yourself.”
Soon to be waitress: "I need to tell you something. The CIA put a chip in my ankle and it records everything I do."

Me: "Might not want to mention that on the interview I hooked you up with for this week."

Me: "Does every single person in your apartment complex smoke pot? The courtyard was a giant pot cloud."

Peruvian lawyer: "Pot? What is pot?"

Me: "Marijuana"

Peruvian lawyer: "Marijuana? Get me some!"

Me: "Ugh."


Date in Starbuck's after seeing Suki's profile: "Oh, the aroma of unground coffee beans, it is so different than after they are ground."

Me: "Yea, I guess so."

Date: "And the aroma of the chocolate before they mix it into mocha, it is delicious. My friends can't believe what a great sense of smell I have."

Me: "Yea, uh huh." Thinking someone has been lifting character traits from Suki.

As we step outside, I light a cigarette.

Date: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Lighting a cigarette."

Date: "I didn't know you smoked."

Me: "Must not be a problm if you couldn't smell it on me with that bionic nose."


Me to a date I was taking to the Pentagon for lunch: "You might need three IDs tomorrow, will check."

Date : "I have plenty of I D just have a couple of different names on them.
That doesn't sound good does it?"

More on her here. Look for mine and Suki's handles in the comments. Even more here, here, and here.


Peruvian lawyer (same one as above): "I need to dance, I must dance, ask manager to play dance music!"

Me: "I don't think they do dance music here, we need to get back to the Jeep anyway, the garage closes soon."

Peruvian lawyer: "My feets, they hurt, I cannot walk to garage. Come pick me up."

Me: "No, it is two blocks away and we will walk together I am not coming to pick you up."

Walking to garage, Peruvian lawyer: "Dance music! Let's dance."

Me: "Go wherever you want I am going home."


More to come, I am sure.

30 July 2009

Oh Joy, More Great News

Just found another page (see previous post) to un-cache from Google on THIS blog, posted under MY handle! Thank God is it just one. Has been in the Google cache since 7 July 2009.

The trainwreck never ends.

Update: It worked and is gone from the cache.