Starbucks Customers so Suck!

What the hell is wrong with the people at my Starbucks?  I know they are bad all over, especially down in John's area, but here? AGH!

Don't get me wrong, I heart the staff!  And I don't say that just because I have seen Fight Club either.  But these damn customers, can't they figure out what the hell they want?

Sitting here fussing with the Suki book character profile and general websurfing I have heard "um" about 1000x more than in an Obama press conference.

How about blasting your voice a bit louder and wandering around all over running people over trying to figure out which bottled something you want?

Is "brother" something white haired 40 something Caucasian loud guys MUST say in every other sentence?

Why does he use a cell phone if people can hear him three blocks away just fine?

BECAUSE THE SMOKING AREA IS OUTSIDE!  I would not be smoking by the OUTSIDE ASHTRAY if I could smoke inside.  If you don't like my smoke hang a fucking sign around your neck and stay the hell away from me.

I do not speak "Asian".  You obviously speak 'European'.

I "got that accent" in Virginia.  Yes, we have existed there for quite a while.  I think before Pearl Harbor, but my family only got there after Vietnam and they are not from there either.

No, I am American.  My parents are from other countries.

If they had pizza it would be in the big glass case.

If they are out of something it is not "in the back", they are out of it there too.

No, my laptop is not for public use.  Same as my lap.

Thanks for coming up and trying to sit at my table while I am busy on my computer!  Of all of the empty seats in this place you chose my lap as your favorite spot!

Yes, it is still "my spot" when I am gone to the ladies room or out smoking.

I must have heard six people ask what kind of cheese was in some CREAM CHEESE pastry thingie.  I always wished the staff would reply with "Provolone" or something.

::: Were your children raised by wolves?  I think the wolves were doing a better job. :::

::: Why is he sitting at the next table looking at me and making clicking noses and scraping the chair across the floor?  Can't he go someplace where there is someone interested in talking to him, instead of ONE grungy little waiting-for-beloved-boyfriend-girl in the whole place?  Perhaps I should call Beloved BF and use all the cutsie names I use for Him? :::

And now for the best pulp headlines of the week:

Nike Introduces New Intercourse Shoe

Detroit Mayor Throws First Brick In Glass-Breaking Ceremony For New Slum

Chicken-Shit Asteroid Veers Away At Last Minute

Craigslist Stops Running Erotic Services Ads


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