20 August 2010

Is the most eligible bachelor in Crystal City gay?

Holy crap! I am listening to Roe & Roper on WLS-890AM and they are covering this (only nine of the fifteen): Is My Husband GAY? As a service to our readers, I shall post my honest responses to their questions and you can go back and forth to score as you will.

1) Secretive late night use of cellphones and computers
Yea! I am not secretive at all about my late-night computer use and you, the readers, are usually reading what I wrote late at night with an accompanying timestamp.

2) Looks at other men in a flirtatious way
Creepy, no way. At least if I know it is a guy.  My favorite sports pub is right down the block from a drag bar, so you can't blame me for what walks by on their way to karaoke.  Still creeps me out when men look at me like that.  Much less now that I grew this gray hair, beer gut and bald spot.
3) Feigning attention in church and prayer groups
Are you fucking kidding me?  the only way I am ever in a Church is when some chick invites me.

4) Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home
Unless waiting until the last possible moment to shower (sometimes) before leaving my secret, undisclosed lair, then no.  Does cleaning at all count as fastidious?  I only clean when I know a date is coming home with me.

5) Gym membership but no interest in sports
Funny! There is a gym in my building I never use. Same with the last four buildings I have lived in.  My cheapness rule prevents me from purchasing a gym membership when I am already paying for a gym that I don't use.  NASCAR is my main sport, followed by other motorsports.  Their answer at the link is pretty gross too.  Another reason not to buy a gym membership, or wait until you get home for your shower.

6) Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy”
They get too tight when I gain weight.  However, when I buy new clothes nobody accuses me of being trendy.  When pinstriped button downs, khakis and cowboy boots become trendy then I may be guilty of this one.

7) Strange sexual demands
Nothing strange at all about leather cuffs, spike heels, collars and gags on her.  Next question!

8) More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films
I don't like men in my porn at all. Next question!

9) Travels frequently to big cities or Asia
Haven't yet and I prefer my Asian women Americanized, just like my killer bees.

10) Too many friendly young male friends
I don't like the young in general and young males who are stupid enough to get friendly with me are usually drunk enough to get thrown out of the bar at my request to the manager.

11) Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends
The article includes speaking with one's hands in this one. GUILTY! Look at my name for the genetic clue.

12) Love of pop culture
Unless it is a Rihanna, Beyoncé or other hot chick video, no.

13) Extroverted about his bare chest in public
HAHA! My chest looks a lot better shirted than bare these days.  So does my waist.

14) Sudden heavy drinking
That is not sudden. I have been doing it for years and am pretty good at it now.

15) Ladies, have you dated men in the past who turned out to be gay?
The ladies reading can answer that for themselves and I welcome your responses in the comments.  A woman or two from my past has said they dated guys who they later suspected of being gay, but no outright confessions of that.

There you have it! Straight and kinky, so go buy my books.  How about a little clean my kitchen and make dinner after you stop by the grocery store?

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